Bored. To my mom it is a four-letter word. In our home growing up, a chore was promptly assigned to whoever dared to use the "B" word. "There is never an excuse to be bored. There are so many ways to entertain yourself. If you're bored, you need something to do. Now go clean the toilets." This is just one of the many valuable lessons mom taught me. Thanks, mom.
Even though I have been trained to not use such language, the "B" word has come to mind quite often lately. I'm bored. Bored physically. Bored mentally. Bored spiritually. (I seriously hope my mom isn't reading this or I might be cleaning until Ground Hog Day!)
My days are busy, busy, busy, filled with three part time jobs, being a wife, mom and pastor's wife; so having nothing to do is not the problem. Most weeks I need an extra day or two just to make it to the end of my to-do list. Busy but bored. I used to sense God's call on my life; dream of the things He would do through me with eager anticipation. It's not that I don't feel His call anymore - I know it's still there. I know He hasn't canceled the work He has for me to do.
But it seems this calling has gotten masked by the mundane. Usurped by the urgent. This is where the boredom comes in; I was created for more. Created to do more. More than the everyday necessities. I was made to last eternally, not just to the end of the day. So, shouldn't my goals be of eternal magnitude as well? Yet too often my daily goals don't amount to much more than remembering to get milk and make a dentist appointment.
When exactly did I allow this to happen? How did I allow this to happen? It wasn't in a moment, but in a lot of moments together. Choosing the here and now over the eternal. It seems the right decision at the moment. We all need clean socks and the house needs to be stocked with toilet paper, right? But allowing these little tasks to overrun my moments turns into days and weeks and months. Soon, I'm lost in the immediate and busy, busy but bored.
I want to run at a faster pace. I want to do serve, accomplish, progress and converse spiritually. More. I want more. I want deeper. To serve my Lord more and deeper. I want to grow more and deeper.
My life is in coast mode and it's time to press the accelerator. At least that's my plan. I have been revving my engine for some time now, inching forward, waiting for God's green light. In my impatience, all I see is red and at times yellow. "Stop...wait for My leading...Slow down...Listen..." If I keep so busy etertaining mysself with temporary tasks I won't even hear the beckoning to sit at His feet while I wait and use the time He is giving me.
The new year holds promising potential. An opportunity to stop and reflect, to live more purposefully than the year before. But all the reflecting is nothing without the doing. So today I am going to enjoy the red light, grab a cup of coffee and sit at His feet. My Bible is open to Psalm 119 and I will allow my soul to be fed and listen- even if there is laundry to do, beds to change, floors to sweep and toilets to clean. They can wait. I'm busy. Busy and not bored.